The Edge of Theocracy (subs)

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1. 00:00:05,00 –> 00:00:00:13,00. PORTA DOS FUNDOS PRESENTS: A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

2. 00:00:13,00 –> 00:00:00:22,00. The year is 33 AD. Commotion on the streets shows how divided is Jerusalem.

3. 00:00:22,00 –> 00:00:00:32,00. Most people were influenced by the high priest Caiaphas and decided to condemn Christ instead of the killer Barabbas.

4. 00:00:32,00 –> 00:00:00:38,00. Roman governor Pontius Pilate is head of the poll that is taking place in front of his palace.

5. 00:00:38,00 –> 00:00:00:46,00. The following is based on a true story and an ongoing one. For my family!

6. 00:00:46,00 –> 00:00:00:53,00. For the traditional families of Jerusalem! For Jehovah, Job’s worst nightmare!

7. 00:00:53,00 –> 00:01:01,00. In memory of Colonel Nebuchadnezzar! BYE, HONEY For no more false prophets!

8. 00:01:01,00 –> 00:01:08,00. “Caesar above everything and God above everyone! BARABBAS – JESUS – ABSTENTIONS -I say “yes” to Barabbas!”

9. 00:01:08,00 –> 00:01:14,00. “I say “yes”! There will be no coup!”

10. 00:01:14,00 –> 00:01:20,00. What an honor for me to be able to stand here

11. 00:01:20,00 –> 00:01:26,00. and give hope to millions of Hebrews! -Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! -For southeastern Jericho people!

12. 00:01:26,00 –> 00:01:34,00. For my poor people from ancient Mesopotamia which now borders Jerusalem and reaches a bit of Damascus!

13. 00:01:34,00 –> 00:01:39,00. “I say “yes” to the future of Barabbas!”

14. 00:01:39,00 –> 00:01:47,00. Legend! Legend! Legend! May God have mercy on this nation.

15. 00:01:47,00 –> 00:01:58,00. “I vote “yes”. We will then proceed with the legal crucifixion”

16. 00:01:58,00 –> 00:02:04,00. of Mr. Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Thank you for presiding over this session, Mr. Pontius Pilate.

17. 00:02:04,00 –> 00:02:16,00. I am Israeli With a lot of pride And a lot of love

18. 00:02:16,00 –> 00:02:22,00. THE EDGE OF THEOCRACY*

19. 00:02:22,00 –> 00:02:29,00. WHO WAS JESUS?

20. 00:02:29,00 –> 00:02:36,00. Ms. Mary, tell us about your son. I never wanted children.

21. 00:02:36,00 –> 00:02:41,00. It just happened. I love him more than anything.

22. 00:02:41,00 –> 00:02:48,00. MARY – MOTHER OF JESUS -I wasn’t even married. And I was a virgin. Can you imagine that? But I had an easy pregnancy.

23. 00:02:48,00 –> 00:02:53,00. I was barely even sick. On December 25th, I went into labor.

24. 00:02:53,00 –> 00:03:00,00. I wanted a doula, but Joseph said he could deliver it himself. He had never seen my body, and it was about to see me all open.

25. 00:03:00,00 –> 00:03:07,00. A calf being delivered is really not a pretty sight. It was so intrusive. There were animals everywhere.

26. 00:03:07,00 –> 00:03:13,00. Full of flies everywhere. Cheeky botflies landing on places I couldn’t even reach.

27. 00:03:13,00 –> 00:03:19,00. We don’t need to talk about that. There was Joseph looking at my Garden of Eden

28. 00:03:19,00 –> 00:03:28,00. and shouting, Push! Push! It was so awkward. Archangel Gabriel could have helped, but I chose a humanized birth.

29. 00:03:28,00 –> 00:03:34,00. Anyway, Jesus was born. Look, so handsome.

30. 00:03:34,00 –> 00:03:42,00. “7 lbs 4 oz and healthy. Adorable. I wasn1t going to name him “Jesus”. I thought about “Muhammad”.”

31. 00:03:42,00 –> 00:03:49,00. “Then I changed my mind. Someone suggested “Yeshua”, but no. “Jesus” rolls off the tongue.”

32. 00:03:49,00 –> 00:03:55,00. So we kept it.

33. 00:03:55,00 –> 00:04:03,00. This is where I live. It’s simple, I don’t need much. This is where I grew up. I was born right there.

34. 00:04:03,00 –> 00:04:11,00. “That’s my intern there. Say “hi” to the camera. I love Jesus. I see him as a brother. He was always at my house.”

35. 00:04:11,00 –> 00:04:18,00. “My mom calls him “son”. I spread the nickname “Zinho”. It was “Jesus”, then “Jesuzinho”, and now we all call him “Zinho”.”

36. 00:04:18,00 –> 00:04:25,00. It was hard though. He was a handful. No one wanted to play with him. On hide-and-seek, he would count until XX,

37. 00:04:25,00 –> 00:04:31,00. and, by the end, he already knew that Luan was on the tree, Joilson was behind the wall, Brenda was there trying to be clever.

38. 00:04:31,00 –> 00:04:40,00. On tag, he would run to the middle of the lake and stay. Who would get in to get him? It’s freezing here in Jerusalem.

39. 00:04:40,00 –> 00:04:48,00. “He would say “I won”, but when everyone else leaves, what’s the point? When playing with shadows, we could do a dog, or a rabbit.”

40. 00:04:48,00 –> 00:04:56,00. Jesus would do a shaka sign and create an animated Gardens of Babylon shadow. Kids don’t understand that. They get pissed off and leave.

41. 00:04:56,00 –> 00:05:01,00. Playing doctor with him was so awkward. He was a good-looking dude, everyone wanted in.

42. 00:05:01,00 –> 00:05:08,00. They would lie down, he would do Reiki stuff and say: You have polycystic ovary syndrome and a little HPV infection.

43. 00:05:08,00 –> 00:05:14,00. They would leave embarrassed, even crying. Kids really don’t understand things like that.

44. 00:05:14,00 –> 00:05:21,00. “How do you play Marco Polo at night with someone that sees in the dark? He would get really close to you and just say “Marco”.”

45. 00:05:21,00 –> 00:05:28,00. That’s it, game over. It was no fun. Sometimes there would be girls,

46. 00:05:28,00 –> 00:05:34,00. and you just wanted to get close to them, but there was no time. I remember like it was yesterday. We were about 7 years old.

47. 00:05:34,00 –> 00:05:41,00. “Jefferson was great at hopscotch. He had a way of tossing the ball. He landed in “Heaven” in one go, but Jesus said: Me first!

48. 00:05:41,00 –> 00:05:52,00. Dude, he flew like a Dragon Flyz! He said: “I saw God quickly and your nan was there.

Your grandpa wasn’t though, I think he screwed up. That boy still doesn’t talk.”

49. 00:05:52,00 –> 00:06:01,00. He’s my age and doesn’t speak. He’s traumatized. We played a lot of football here.

50. 00:06:01,00 –> 00:06:09,00. I used to go to Mount of Olives a lot where Jesus used to preach. I must confess that it was because of the olives.

51. 00:06:09,00 –> 00:06:16,00. I love those big black ones from Chile. When the pit just slips out.

52. 00:06:16,00 –> 00:06:25,00. I used to just lie down sometimes and listen to Jesus. Wow. I felt so peaceful, I really did.

53. 00:06:25,00 –> 00:06:31,00. But then there were no more olives, so I started going to Mount of Figs, but it also dried out.

54. 00:06:31,00 –> 00:06:38,00. Now I have to find someone else to follow. I’m between the guy that chants at the orange grove

55. 00:06:38,00 –> 00:06:44,00. and an old man that reads poetry at the Mount of Blackberries. Blackberries are good because then I can make jam.

56. 00:06:44,00 –> 00:06:53,00. I heard the guy is with the militias. Do you know anything? Apparently, his whole family is involved with it.

57. 00:06:53,00 –> 00:06:59,00. I heard that Jesus has healed you of your leprosy. Yes, he did. Jesus healed me.

58. 00:06:59,00 –> 00:07:06,00. I had been to a messiah that told me it was just the flu, FORMER LEPER – LOCAL -but Jesus connected the dots.

59. 00:07:06,00 –> 00:07:11,00. He healed me of my leprosy, but left my diabetes sky high.

60. 00:07:11,00 –> 00:07:19,00. Isn’t he the almighty? Why couldn’t he cure everything? When you ask for a miracle, you want it done properly.

61. 00:07:19,00 –> 00:07:26,00. “A full health checkup. EKG, ECG, blood test. “Can you cure my prostate cancer?”, “I can.”

62. 00:07:26,00 –> 00:07:32,00. But you didn’t mention your pancreatic cancer. Of course. I’m not a doctor, I know nothing about that.

63. 00:07:32,00 –> 00:07:38,00. My job is to clean Roman pits and maybe find little trinkets to make costume jewelry.

64. 00:07:38,00 –> 00:07:46,00. I realized I had leprosy when my second ear fell off. I knew something wasn’t right.

65. 00:07:46,00 –> 00:07:52,00. It wasn’t a coincidence. But diabetes is a very sneaky disease.

66. 00:07:52,00 –> 00:07:58,00. It comes quietly, with no warning. But he knew about it. He did it on purpose. I know he did.

67. 00:07:58,00 –> 00:08:08,00. He wanted me to be around, relying on him. He wanted more followers, more sheep.

68. 00:08:08,00 –> 00:08:17,00. I didn’t want to say anything in case he gave me back leprosy. I love wearing earrings.

69. 00:08:17,00 –> 00:08:23,00. Now I have to avoid sugar and red wine, if you can believe it.

70. 00:08:23,00 –> 00:08:29,00. It’s so annoying. Do you have any remarkable stories of his childhood?

71. 00:08:29,00 –> 00:08:36,00. When he went missing. He was 12 years old. We were looking for him for 3 days, and found him in the temple.

72. 00:08:36,00 –> 00:08:43,00. Joseph was livid, I’ll tell you. You know when you hug and punch someone at the same time?

73. 00:08:43,00 –> 00:08:52,00. “A mix of love and anger. You talk through your teeth. “Don’t ever do that again.” Hugging and punching his chest.”

74. 00:08:52,00 –> 00:08:58,00. So silly. And Jesus was at that teenage age that talks back.

75. 00:08:58,00 –> 00:09:04,00. I don’t know why the drama, I was here this whole time, at my Father’s house.

76. 00:09:04,00 –> 00:09:11,00. Implying that God was his actual dad, not Joseph. Big mistake.

77. 00:09:11,00 –> 00:09:17,00. Joseph almost started doing some capoeira moves. I laugh about it today, but I didn’t then.

78. 00:09:17,00 –> 00:09:27,00. I remember him saying: Does God pay our bills at home? Does He make tables for rich ladies so you can get the latest abacus?

79. 00:09:27,00 –> 00:09:32,00. But that was it. Messiah grew up

80. 00:09:32,00 –> 00:09:37,00. and became a legend.

81. 00:09:37,00 –> 00:09:44,00. He used to preach on a nearby mount. I never had a problem with him. He was a cool guy, but his fans ruined it all.

82. 00:09:44,00 –> 00:09:50,00. They were always creating trouble and being so loud. He was very intelligent as well, always using big words.

83. 00:09:50,00 –> 00:10:00,00. He spoke with eloquence, but do you know what his mistake was? Talking about love. He kept insisting on it. People here want to see blood.

84. 00:10:00,00 –> 00:10:06,00. They like to see bones cracking, whips splitting the skin open when it hits the good spot.

85. 00:10:06,00 –> 00:10:13,00. On crucifixion days, people bring their kids to watch. That’s what we like. I like to face things head-on.

86. 00:10:13,00 –> 00:10:18,00. Really old school Moses, going up mounts, carrying rocks, removing the foreskin.

87. 00:10:18,00 –> 00:10:23,00. What do people like? To watch messiah giving a show, to root for gladiators, call Goliath’s mom’s names.

88. 00:10:23,00 –> 00:10:29,00. To chant together, that’s what they like. That’s why we should bring back donkey rape punishments.

89. 00:10:29,00 –> 00:10:36,00. That’s the only… -Damn! -Are you okay? -Did you see it? They love me. -Do you need anything?

90. 00:10:36,00 –> 00:10:42,00. Do it again, son of a… Shit! That’s it. Screw it.

91. 00:10:42,00 –> 00:10:50,00. It’s not true that he turned water into wine at my wedding. WEDDING AT CANA BRIDE -We had a lot of wine already.

92. 00:10:50,00 –> 00:10:56,00. Mary is such a jealous person and wanted to create gossip, because my wedding was better than hers.

93. 00:10:56,00 –> 00:11:04,00. She only got married because she was pregnant and everyone knows. She wanted to degrade my party and made that wine story up.

94. 00:11:04,00 –> 00:11:11,00. We had lots of wine. I’ll show you the receipt here. We had wine, champagne, lots of different spirits.

95. 00:11:11,00 –> 00:11:17,00. We had gin, lychee-flavored sake, darling. There was spare.

96. 00:11:17,00 –> 00:11:26,00. “I still have some bottles of wine, what was she thinking? “Jesus wanted to help you.” Did he? Sweep my house, water my plants.”

97. 00:11:26,00 –> 00:11:32,00. I don’t need any wine handouts. If he wants to give wine, he can give it to his apostles,

98. 00:11:32,00 –> 00:11:38,00. who, by the way, crashed my party. And I saw them stealing sweets from the table.

99. 00:11:38,00 –> 00:11:44,00. I didn’t mention it because we were drowning in it. The truth is that Jesus lived in a bubble.

100. 00:11:44,00 –> 00:11:52,00. It’s my fault too. His friends and part of his staff, we used to shield him a lot. He wasn’t aware of bad news.

101. 00:11:52,00 –> 00:12:00,00. He lived in his own little world. He didn’t know that many people wanted to screw him over.

102. 00:12:00,00 –> 00:12:07,00. I used to tell him to keep his eyes open. Not even Abraham was everyone’s cup of tea.

103. 00:12:07,00 –> 00:12:12,00. Tell us about your relationship with Jesus. MARY MAGDALENE – SELF-EMPLOYED -I lived with him for a long time.

104. 00:12:12,00 –> 00:12:17,00. -You can’t talk about Jesus. -Wait, wait… -He’s great. Don’t talk about him. -What is this about?

105. 00:12:17,00 –> 00:12:24,00. -For God’s sake… -I’m just helping her out. -Jesus is great, amazing. -What’s up? -Who are these people? -Get her out of here.

106. 00:12:24,00 –> 00:12:29,00. Don’t you dare touching me. What? I’ve been stoned for less, buddy.

107. 00:12:29,00 –> 00:12:36,00. BETRAYAL

108. 00:12:36,00 –> 00:12:44,00. The story of Judas’ betrayal was a surprise to everyone. When Jesus said at the last supper that one of us would betray him,

109. 00:12:44,00 –> 00:12:49,00. JAMES – APOSTLE -it got really awkward pretty quick. Everyone quietly looking at each other.

110. 00:12:49,00 –> 00:12:55,00. When Judas said: It definitely won’t be me, master, Jesus replied straight away: It’s you.

111. 00:12:55,00 –> 00:13:02,00. That was so awkward. We were sure he was going down. Nothing. The supper carried on, on to the bread part.

112. 00:13:02,00 –> 00:13:11,00. Jesus started to give everyone a piece of bread. How can you say that and carry on as if nothing happened?

113. 00:13:11,00 –> 00:13:19,00. Listen, Jesus is a great guy, really amazing… He’s like family, my bro, my homie.

114. 00:13:19,00 –> 00:13:26,00. I don’t want to gossip about him, but… He never liked to be contradicted.

115. 00:13:26,00 –> 00:13:32,00. I still remember one day he was walking back home near the beginning of Judea where there was a nice fig tree.

116. 00:13:32,00 –> 00:13:37,00. He was walking back that way and got hungry and decided to grab a fig, but there weren’t any.

117. 00:13:37,00 –> 00:13:45,00. He was looking and couldn’t find any, so he started getting angry. That was easy to happen, he had such a short temper.

118. 00:13:45,00 –> 00:13:52,00. “Do you know what he did? Put a curse on the tree. “You shall not bear fruit again!” And that was it.”

119. 00:13:52,00 –> 00:14:00,00. If you pass it now, there’s nothing. I felt bad for its owner, though. He did say that it wasn’t fig season, but Jesus didn’t care.

120. 00:14:00,00 –> 00:14:06,00. If Jesus killed the fig free, that didn’t do anything to him, what would he do about Judas’ betrayal?

121. 00:14:06,00 –> 00:14:14,00. Maybe cut his tongue, or just a little bit of one leg to see him limp. But nothing. He carried on with supper.

122. 00:14:14,00 –> 00:14:21,00. Judas even closed his eyes like pleading for mercy. Nothing. We moved on with supper.

123. 00:14:21,00 –> 00:14:28,00. I’m sure history will eventually show that I’m right. Did you believe in Jesus?

124. 00:14:28,00 –> 00:14:35,00. FORMER APOSTLE -I did, until I didn’t anymore. It’s that simple. It’s human nature.

125. 00:14:35,00 –> 00:14:44,00. I even wrote that in the letter I gave him. I felt like I was there as a mere apostle for show.

126. 00:14:44,00 –> 00:14:51,00. People need to learn to respect people’s opinions. If I think Jesus should be tortured and murdered,

127. 00:14:51,00 –> 00:14:59,00. “people need to respect my opinion. But no, they want to “cancel” me. That’s the latest trend, just like beating people up.”

128. 00:14:59,00 –> 00:15:05,00. No one is canceling Lot, who had sex with his own daughters. Do you know his story? It’s in the Bible, look it up.

129. 00:15:05,00 –> 00:15:12,00. “He went wild with his daughters in a cave. “He was drunk.” What sort of drink”

130. 00:15:12,00 –> 00:15:20,00. makes you go hard, that’s what I want to know. Is it selective canceling now? Let’s be consistent.

131. 00:15:20,00 –> 00:15:28,00. I really believed in Jesus. I can say I even loved him. But the Roman Empire has opened my eyes.

132. 00:15:28,00 –> 00:15:35,00. Everyone knows that Judas was bought off. No one talks about it, but he was. And it was no small amount either.

133. 00:15:35,00 –> 00:15:43,00. He was part of Caiaphas’ public fund diversion scheme. The real question is why 89,000 silver coins

134. 00:15:43,00 –> 00:15:50,00. appeared in Judas’ ex-wife’s account. I heard he’s still alive.

135. 00:15:50,00 –> 00:15:57,00. He’s staying with friends in the countryside. I think he is on the run. Somewhere in Russia. Was it Russia?

136. 00:15:57,00 –> 00:16:03,00. I think it’s in Russia. I was told you were paid in silver coins.

137. 00:16:03,00 –> 00:16:09,00. A lot of people mentioned such coins. But where are they? They don’t exist.

138. 00:16:09,00 –> 00:16:14,00. Those fake news are created to confuse people.

139. 00:16:14,00 –> 00:16:21,00. They are already pretty confused, so you can imagine the mess. My aunt Irene asked me about it this morning,

140. 00:16:21,00 –> 00:16:28,00. because she heard something in her Zouk class. This industry that spreads rumors is a very dangerous one.

141. 00:16:28,00 –> 00:16:36,00. There is a whole bureau created to spread it out. Do you remember Cain? People kept spreading that Abel was everyone’s favorite

142. 00:16:36,00 –> 00:16:44,00. and look at what happened. That was shameless! To spread rumors about Jesus walking on a bit of water

143. 00:16:44,00 –> 00:16:52,00. or about his homemade wine is harmless, so that’s fine. But saying that I kissed Jesus

144. 00:16:52,00 –> 00:16:57,00. to point him out to other people… That’s just dangerous.

145. 00:16:57,00 –> 00:17:03,00. Firstly, everyone knew Jesus already, I didn’t need to point him out. And who does that with a kiss?

146. 00:17:03,00 –> 00:17:09,00. Who is John Doe? Do you go ahead and kiss him? You just had to call him by his name and people would figure it out.

147. 00:17:09,00 –> 00:17:15,00. The guy who answered when you called. Or you can just point him out, do it from a distance.

148. 00:17:15,00 –> 00:17:21,00. But people want to imply pederasty, which never happened. They are obsessed with pederasty.

149. 00:17:21,00 –> 00:17:30,00. I want to take this opportunity to clarify something. I’m not Judas Iscariot, I’m Judas Thaddaeus.

150. 00:17:30,00 –> 00:17:38,00. APOSTLE -Please, guys. People are vandalizing my house, harassing people close to me. I’m tired of telling people I’m not Judas Iscariot.

151. 00:17:38,00 –> 00:17:45,00. My friends don’t even call me Judas, I was always known as Thaddaeus. People are malicious and want to cause trouble,

152. 00:17:45,00 –> 00:17:51,00. so they keep saying I’m the other Judas. He’s already hung himself, but all his haters are focusing on me now.

153. 00:17:51,00 –> 00:18:00,00. I can’t go out for a meal without people spitting on my face. Someone defaced my house front by writing the words:

154. 00:18:00,00 –> 00:18:05,00. Judas is a traitor and a cocksucker. It was permanent paint, so I had to knock the wall down.

155. 00:18:05,00 –> 00:18:11,00. So I started the process of changing my name. Could you please change it on the screen?

156. 00:18:11,00 –> 00:18:18,00. I’m not Judas Thaddaeus anymore. Now I’m Adolph Thaddaeus. I don’t want to have a name linked to anything bad.

157. 00:18:18,00 –> 00:18:27,00. TRIAL -Tell me about Jesus. -Jesus? It doesn’t ring a bell.

158. 00:18:27,00 –> 00:18:34,00. -He was a messiah. -A messiah? We had so many of those… Take it easy, Dudu.

159. 00:18:34,00 –> 00:18:39,00. We had so many of those, I won’t remember them all. Any low-life is a messiah nowadays.

160. 00:18:39,00 –> 00:18:47,00. There was always a son of God saying that the world would end.

161. 00:18:47,00 –> 00:18:53,00. That’s nice. -What was that messiah like? -From Nazareth, was crucified,

162. 00:18:53,00 –> 00:18:58,00. was 33 years old, a good-looking guy.

163. 00:18:58,00 –> 00:19:06,00. One with very fair skin. -Blonde straight hair and blue eyes? -That’s it.

164. 00:19:06,00 –> 00:19:13,00. I do remember him, because he was very noticeable.

165. 00:19:13,00 –> 00:19:19,00. The thing is everyone had a middle eastern look, with Moorish features.

166. 00:19:19,00 –> 00:19:26,00. Like they were born there. When you are all born in an area you end up looking very similar.

167. 00:19:26,00 –> 00:19:31,00. He looked Swedish. It was very odd. What do you want to know?

168. 00:19:31,00 –> 00:19:40,00. This feels good. Pontius made it to governor because he’s conservative like them.

169. 00:19:40,00 –> 00:19:48,00. He’s scum. He was under investigation because of a supposed scheme between him and Galilee’s agribusiness big shots.

170. 00:19:48,00 –> 00:19:55,00. Apparently, he was behind the salt content in the Dead Sea to devaluate that area so he could buy it to grow soy.

171. 00:19:55,00 –> 00:20:01,00. That was like a resort before, so green. The water was full of life. It had fish, crabs, shrimp.

172. 00:20:01,00 –> 00:20:07,00. He ruined it all. And do you see anything about it in the Bible? Of course not.

173. 00:20:07,00 –> 00:20:15,00. Who is in charge of writing the Bible? The priests. Who helped Caiaphas to put pressure on Pontius

174. 00:20:15,00 –> 00:20:22,00. to get Jesus killed? The priests. They work with the government. The Bible bench is too powerful.

175. 00:20:22,00 –> 00:20:31,00. He needed all of them to vote for his projects, like building a walk around Jericho. It’s quid pro quo.

176. 00:20:31,00 –> 00:20:40,00. Let’s do this. It’s that old saying: God doesn’t give us a cross that we can’t bear.

177. 00:20:40,00 –> 00:20:46,00. CAIAPHAS – HIGH PRIEST -Bye, honey! Go fight the witch hunt! Look. It’s not henna.

178. 00:20:46,00 –> 00:20:53,00. It’s my pet thug. BARABBAS – CHARGED OF MURDER AND THEFT FREE PENDING TRIAL

179. 00:20:53,00 –> 00:20:59,00. -Hi. -Hello. -Are you okay? -I am. You have a beautiful smile.

180. 00:20:59,00 –> 00:21:06,00. -What’s that? -I didn’t say anything.

181. 00:21:06,00 –> 00:21:11,00. -I missed you so much too. -Excuse me? Barabbas was gorgeous.

182. 00:21:11,00 –> 00:21:19,00. He was a real man, had that strong smell, half the teeth. The type that impregnates his own sheep, you know?

183. 00:21:19,00 –> 00:21:27,00. He had this aura to him like a Greek tragedy actor that slept with his mom and killed his dad.

184. 00:21:27,00 –> 00:21:35,00. I had a cousin that voted for him and didn’t regret it. I was still asleep when the commotion started outside.

185. 00:21:35,00 –> 00:21:41,00. Religious people have no consideration. Every day I have to kick Jehovah’s witnesses out.

186. 00:21:41,00 –> 00:21:48,00. I said that next time they will be witnessing an impalement. Anyway…

187. 00:21:48,00 –> 00:21:55,00. The page boy walked into my chambers and said: They brought you a young boy. I got all excited.

188. 00:21:55,00 –> 00:22:00,00. I asked if it was a Greek lad. Then I realized it was nothing like that.

189. 00:22:00,00 –> 00:22:08,00. I didn’t even know who Jesus was back then. But the priests were all on edge, so I had to put him on trial.

190. 00:22:08,00 –> 00:22:17,00. Fresh chicken! One for 7 and two for 10! Fresh chicken! I was there. Fucking Jesus. Are you showing my whole interview

191. 00:22:17,00 –> 00:22:22,00. -or will you get it out of context? -We’ll show it all. You love twisting the truth. Fake news and all.

192. 00:22:22,00 –> 00:22:30,00. Yes, I was there and I don’t deny that I was rooting for Barabbas. I’m not ashamed of it. He might be a killer,

193. 00:22:30,00 –> 00:22:35,00. but who isn’t? Everyone’s killed someone. At least he doesn’t stand up for whores.

194. 00:22:35,00 –> 00:22:43,00. I don’t know if there are any whores here. Are you a whore? No? I know people that work as whores, I have relations with whores,

195. 00:22:43,00 –> 00:22:50,00. but we must respect family. I have a young daughter. She’s going to see a whore and ask me about it.

196. 00:22:50,00 –> 00:22:57,00. I’ll have to tell her that whores take it in the ass, they suck dick. I’ll do with her what I can’t with your mom because social ties

197. 00:22:57,00 –> 00:23:03,00. won’t let me explore my sexuality. My girl won’t understand. She’s young, she’s only 11:

198. 00:23:03,00 –> 00:23:08,00. She just gave birth to my second grandkid. She doesn’t know about life yet.

199. 00:23:08,00 –> 00:23:15,00. I was the one that cast the first stone. Earlier a guy there asked me if I have any regrets.

200. 00:23:15,00 –> 00:23:22,00. I do, of not casting a second one. The first one just grazed her, it didn’t catch her properly.

201. 00:23:22,00 –> 00:23:30,00. Out of the blue, Jesus showed up asking us not to cast stones. He thinks I don’t know why he didn’t want us to hurt her.

202. 00:23:30,00 –> 00:23:38,00. I’ve done the Lebanese Seesaw. I know how good it is. And not any whore is flexible enough to do a Lebanese Seesaw.

203. 00:23:38,00 –> 00:23:46,00. I can do the Persian Seesaw. The Persian one is alright, but it doesn’t reach the same areas.

204. 00:23:46,00 –> 00:23:53,00. So someone that does the Lebanese one is a keeper. Jesus wanted that whore all to himself.

205. 00:23:53,00 –> 00:23:59,00. He cures everyone, so people went along with it. What’s the downside of this whole thing?

206. 00:23:59,00 –> 00:24:04,00. Now any whore thinks she shouldn’t be stoned. The whore market is now overrated.

207. 00:24:04,00 –> 00:24:11,00. A single handjob now costs around 5 drachmae. Is it worth it?

208. 00:24:11,00 –> 00:24:17,00. “It depends. The Galician handjob, for example, uses a technique called “blazing”,”

209. 00:24:17,00 –> 00:24:23,00. and that’s worth 5 drachmae. The opposition is accusing me, but it wasn’t my decision.

210. 00:24:23,00 –> 00:24:29,00. They need to understand that it was the people’s decision. I gave them the options and they chose Barabbas.

211. 00:24:29,00 –> 00:24:37,00. If Jesus couldn’t persuade the majority, it’s his problem. It was a democratic decision, not a coup.

212. 00:24:37,00 –> 00:24:45,00. The cunning media created a circus around the story. They chose a side. All they wanted was a culprit.

213. 00:24:45,00 –> 00:24:50,00. I still remember that ridiculous interview with his mom. With that guy full of…

214. 00:24:50,00 –> 00:25:05,00. Hello, Jerusalem! Now we’re talking business! There is a criminal being crucified up a mount out there.

215. 00:25:05,00 –> 00:25:12,00. JERUSALEM ALERT Can we see the portrait of the criminal? Bring it down, guys.

216. 00:25:12,00 –> 00:25:19,00. -Look. Another low-life. -Damn! He apparently was an instigator and used Black Bloc tactics.

217. 00:25:19,00 –> 00:25:24,00. Was he actually a criminal, Gaius Marius? Have you ever seen an honest citizen being crucified?

218. 00:25:24,00 –> 00:25:30,00. You haven’t, because they don’t exist. We brought his mom today, Ms. Mary.

219. 00:25:30,00 –> 00:25:37,00. Low-lives also have moms, guys. Come in, Ms. Mary. Come on in. This is Ms. Mary.

220. 00:25:37,00 –> 00:25:45,00. -Have a seat, Mary…? -It’s just Mary. Mary, an example of faith. Mary is a gift. -She’s pure joy, a strength that… -It’s just Mary.

221. 00:25:45,00 –> 00:25:52,00. -Are you okay? How are you? -I’m very upset. My son was being crucified, hanging there with blood everywhere

222. 00:25:52,00 –> 00:25:58,00. and your crew brought me here. I’m confused. Savage!

223. 00:25:58,00 –> 00:26:04,00. It’s so sad. It must be desolating to have a thug for a son. -He’s not a thug. -Only a mother knows.

224. 00:26:04,00 –> 00:26:11,00. He looked like he was doing well until he got involved with booze. -He had a taste of alcohol… -No.

225. 00:26:11,00 –> 00:26:17,00. He only drinks a small red during supper. God, she is so naive.

226. 00:26:17,00 –> 00:26:23,00. Let’s be honest, someone like that doesn’t know God. -He is His son. The son of God! -Which one?

227. 00:26:23,00 –> 00:26:29,00. He’s not my God’s son. One that says: “Turn the other cheek. “More, more. Hit me again.”

228. 00:26:29,00 –> 00:26:36,00. He’s a sissy, a fag god, one that likes to sit on it!

229. 00:26:36,00 –> 00:26:42,00. Focus on me here. That god sits on it! Those crucifixes will stay there on top of the mount

230. 00:26:42,00 –> 00:26:51,00. to remind people that that’s where scum belongs to! -That’s my boss! -Scum on crosses! Scum on crosses!

231. 00:26:51,00 –> 00:26:56,00. -Can I go? -No, stay. You will love our next guest. -Just let me go. -Women love him.

232. 00:26:56,00 –> 00:27:06,00. -Our beloved Barabbas. -I can’t believe it. Hello there. How are you, Mary? -Don’t you dare talking to me. -I’m a big fan.

233. 00:27:06,00 –> 00:27:17,00. INVESTIGATIONS The Legion believes Mr. Jesus Christ to be the head of the whole scheme.

234. 00:27:17,00 –> 00:27:23,00. Criminal perpetuation in office. Testimonials. Hiding a body. Miracle-making.

235. 00:27:23,00 –> 00:27:29,00. Unauthorized deification. Corrupted governability. All was very well-covered. We covered it around him.

236. 00:27:29,00 –> 00:27:35,00. You can see it’s all very detailed here. The actual proof is all around us,

237. 00:27:35,00 –> 00:27:42,00. but we have a lot of belief here. Proof is just a gathering of beliefs. These are all the beliefs…

238. 00:27:42,00 –> 00:27:48,00. Three beliefs make one proof. And it all meets here… On him.

239. 00:27:48,00 –> 00:27:55,00. That’s it. Jesus cooperated the whole time. As absurd as the accusations against him were,

240. 00:27:55,00 –> 00:28:01,00. he surrendered himself peacefully, never instigated violence. Was that repressive cross-carrying really necessary?

241. 00:28:01,00 –> 00:28:11,00. To make him carry it on his back? Such a tranquil guy. It was the Caiaphas’ lot that started creating trouble.

242. 00:28:11,00 –> 00:28:19,00. Listen, I am a very peaceful guy. I invited Jesus into my house so we could work things out.

243. 00:28:19,00 –> 00:28:25,00. I am against violence. If anything of that nature happened, it wasn’t on my behalf.

244. 00:28:25,00 –> 00:28:31,00. EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE OF THE PRIESTLY MEETING This is bullshit! It’s crap!

245. 00:28:31,00 –> 00:28:39,00. Son of a bitch! Fucking Jesus! Someone needs to stop that piece of shit! That asshole!

246. 00:28:39,00 –> 00:28:49,00. Someone needs to stop that motherfucking asswipe bastard! He’s trying to get to me! Shit! Fuck!

247. 00:28:49,00 –> 00:28:56,00. Guys, that… I was in my own house. Who doesn’t swear at home?

248. 00:28:56,00 –> 00:29:03,00. Or accidentally spits on their grandkid? It happens. You say: I’ll kill that son of…! Son of God, in this case.

249. 00:29:03,00 –> 00:29:10,00. But that young man can resuscitate. When he does, I could maybe apologize to him in person.

250. 00:29:10,00 –> 00:29:15,00. We should note that there was more police brutality even after that.

251. 00:29:15,00 –> 00:29:21,00. Negative. That is misleading. Our Corporation despises any behavior of such kind

252. 00:29:21,00 –> 00:29:27,00. and will look into the victim’s supposed allegations. He was forced to carry the cross.

253. 00:29:27,00 –> 00:29:34,00. That is correct. It is standard procedure. Carrying the cross was part of the offender’s sentence.

254. 00:29:34,00 –> 00:29:42,00. Speaking of which, he got help from… What was his name again? Simon of Cyrene. And he was… rough-looking.

255. 00:29:42,00 –> 00:29:48,00. Go and ask Simon what was Jesus looking like then.

256. 00:29:48,00 –> 00:29:56,00. -Hello? -Good evening. -Is Simon of Cyrene there? -Speaking. Simon, I apologize for taking your time.

257. 00:29:56,00 –> 00:30:03,00. I want to talk to you about Jesus’ crucifixion day. I have nothing to talk to you about that, honey. Thanks.

258. 00:30:03,00 –> 00:30:11,00. Wait, just a quick one. Did you carry the cross? I’m sorry, I have to go. I’m really busy today.

259. 00:30:11,00 –> 00:30:19,00. Just tell me what was Jesus like when you saw him. He was great, healthy, handsome, smelling like coconut soap. Bye.

260. 00:30:19,00 –> 00:30:26,00. The Roman Legion Leader gave me your number. -Simon? -Marcilene, pack our bags!

261. 00:30:26,00 –> 00:30:31,00. -They found us! -Simon… I had just managed to get my life back here in Cyrene.

262. 00:30:31,00 –> 00:30:37,00. -Help me here… -I wasn’t supposed to be in Galilee. I wanted to go to Peruíbe. Marcilene insisted on it.

263. 00:30:37,00 –> 00:30:43,00. Let’s go to Galilee. I saw it on Airbnb. Hell was breaking loose when we got there.

264. 00:30:43,00 –> 00:30:51,00. I just went to see what was happening and it’s still bringing me trouble. -And how was Jesus? -I don’t know. He was great.

265. 00:30:51,00 –> 00:30:58,00. Really well, laughing out loud, hugging everyone. Put that cash in my underwear. Good luck with your project.

266. 00:30:58,00 –> 00:31:05,00. -Just one more thing… Simon? -See you. That’s correct, but the perp, known as Jesus Christ,

267. 00:31:05,00 –> 00:31:11,00. already had three charges. One of disturbing the peace, vilifying other’s beliefs,

268. 00:31:11,00 –> 00:31:20,00. “and assault at the temple. I have all the papyri here. This is all under “Jesus Christ”, “Jesus of Nazareth”…”

269. 00:31:20,00 –> 00:31:29,00. I used to sell products in front of the temple. I had incense, medallions, pieces of the Ark, anointed soaps.

270. 00:31:29,00 –> 00:31:36,00. It was all original, high-quality stuff. On the day that Jesus showed up and made a big mess,

271. 00:31:36,00 –> 00:31:45,00. I had received a big lot of pigeons. Pigeons are a big sell-out. Especially on Saturdays, that’s when the voodoo people

272. 00:31:45,00 –> 00:31:51,00. come in to offer their sacrifices. It’s good that they use pigeons, as they are so annoying.

273. 00:31:51,00 –> 00:31:58,00. I don’t think it’s right to sacrifice goats though. They are so chill, their poop is easy to clean.

274. 00:31:58,00 –> 00:32:08,00. Pigeons fly around shitting on us and making a mess. I don’t like them. I’m minding my own business just selling my products

275. 00:32:08,00 –> 00:32:17,00. when, out of the blue, Jesus shows up on his donkey pissed off, pushing stalls everywhere, breaking all my cages.

276. 00:32:17,00 –> 00:32:24,00. People were confused thinking he was possessed. I tried to reason with him, but he kept shouting:

277. 00:32:24,00 –> 00:32:29,00. My house shall be called the house of prayer! We told him it was, it was a temple after all,

278. 00:32:29,00 –> 00:32:35,00. “but people have different faiths. “But you have made it a den of thieves!”

279. 00:32:35,00 –> 00:32:43,00. Why did he say that? People started gathering around him. People shouting everywhere, blind people trying to hit something.

280. 00:32:43,00 –> 00:32:53,00. “Then people tried to calm everyone down. “We should listen to both sides.” So he calmed down a bit and left.”

281. 00:32:53,00 –> 00:33:02,00. But I lost all my pigeons and didn’t get any compensation. I chased Jesus for it, but he told me to speak to Marcia.

282. 00:33:02,00 –> 00:33:09,00. I lost a lot of… Son of a bitch!

283. 00:33:09,00 –> 00:33:16,00. I’m going to turn to voodoo. Yes, it was very heated. But, guys, please, Jesus was just coming home.

284. 00:33:16,00 –> 00:33:22,00. He was exhausted. It was a very long journey. He performed so many miracles.

285. 00:33:22,00 –> 00:33:29,00. That’s very draining. We got at the temple looking for somewhere in the shadow to sit.

286. 00:33:29,00 –> 00:33:36,00. As soon as we got there, all the vendors crammed around us. They were selling bead necklaces, medallions,

287. 00:33:36,00 –> 00:33:43,00. Moses’ staffs that glow in the dark, myrrh resin… And they are so cheeky! They pull you and push you around,

288. 00:33:43,00 –> 00:33:48,00. tie ribbons around your wrist, that you don’t even want but then you have to pay for it.

289. 00:33:48,00 –> 00:33:54,00. We tried to somehow shield the master, but it didn’t work out. One guy went around us

290. 00:33:54,00 –> 00:34:02,00. and put his hand right around Jesus’ hair. He pulled it a bit harder.

291. 00:34:02,00 –> 00:34:08,00. You can touch anywhere you want on Jesus’ body, really, you can really feel him, but

292. 00:34:08,00 –> 00:34:15,00. don’t touch his hair. His close friends know. He washes his hair with water from the River Jordan,

293. 00:34:15,00 –> 00:34:21,00. puts Moroccan bee’s honey on its ends, mosturizes it with mud from the Dead Sea,

294. 00:34:21,00 –> 00:34:31,00. which we have to get it ourselves, because he can’t get underwater. Anyway, Jesus is very precious about his hair.

295. 00:34:31,00 –> 00:34:40,00. And he had just started his transition to natural hair that day and that damn vendor touched it with his disgusting clammy hand.

296. 00:34:40,00 –> 00:34:46,00. We couldn’t hold him back. He jumped off the donkey shouting.

297. 00:34:46,00 –> 00:34:51,00. Not my hair! Then he started doing capoeira moves left, right and center.

298. 00:34:51,00 –> 00:34:58,00. We tried to grab him, but no one could. When Jesus is angry, darling… Only Mary can help.

299. 00:34:58,00 –> 00:35:03,00. LOCAL VENDOR MINION -I think he deserved it. That’s what you get when you mess with God.

300. 00:35:03,00 –> 00:35:08,00. You don’t mess around with religion, buddy. Jehovah never had any children.

301. 00:35:08,00 –> 00:35:15,00. It’s in the Bible. Go and get yourself informed. They want to talk about religion and think it will all be okay?

302. 00:35:15,00 –> 00:35:21,00. Why don’t they talk about Roman mythology? Now they’re scared to speak up. What about Shiva? Do they have balls for that?

303. 00:35:21,00 –> 00:35:27,00. Jehovah’s champions are here. No one can talk about Jehovah to my face right here.

304. 00:35:27,00 –> 00:35:33,00. Liking Him is optional, but respecting Him is mandatory. That’s correct. Look here.

305. 00:35:33,00 –> 00:35:41,00. “We had three accusations of witchcraft. “Unauthorized miracle performing. Victim’s name: “Lazarus.”

306. 00:35:41,00 –> 00:35:47,00. The young man passed away, died. Jesus resurrected him against his will and his family’s,

307. 00:35:47,00 –> 00:35:52,00. “who were already discussing life insurance details. “Moral damages.” Jesus tried to exorcise a guy”

308. 00:35:52,00 –> 00:35:58,00. thinking he was possessed. He was absolutely fine. He was blind, deaf and mute.

309. 00:35:58,00 –> 00:36:05,00. “People like that always roll their eyes and make weird sounds. “Unregulated fishing in environmental reserve areas.”

310. 00:36:05,00 –> 00:36:13,00. 00:153 large fish. Where are Mr. Leonardo DiCaprio, Ms. Marina Silva or Captain Planet to embrace that lake?

311. 00:36:13,00 –> 00:36:19,00. There is also an illicit work charge on behalf of the apostles. They were all subjected to slavery conditions.

312. 00:36:19,00 –> 00:36:27,00. No one was getting paid, they had to fast. That’s nonsense. We’re just such a tight group.

313. 00:36:27,00 –> 00:36:33,00. I was advised not to talk about that. Why don’t you focus on the Roman Legion’s crimes?

314. 00:36:33,00 –> 00:36:40,00. SUBSTITUTE CORONER -Jesus had bruises all over his body, and mainly on his chest, denoting a beating.

315. 00:36:40,00 –> 00:36:45,00. There were round wounds in the hands and cuts all around his scalp.

316. 00:36:45,00 –> 00:36:50,00. LOCAL FLAT-EARTHER -My brother-in-law uses scourges. It does make you bleed, but it’s not like that!

317. 00:36:50,00 –> 00:36:59,00. The time of death was 3 pm due to a cardiac arrest, following severe bleeding. He lost a lot of blood.

318. 00:36:59,00 –> 00:37:07,00. Blood with that color? Save thy breath. My aunt knows a guy that looks after Pontius Pilate’s garden.

319. 00:37:07,00 –> 00:37:13,00. She was there and saw that the bruises were all fake. He used achiote as blood to get people’s sympathy.

320. 00:37:13,00 –> 00:37:21,00. I tried to inspect Christ’s body three days later. All they gave me was this.

321. 00:37:21,00 –> 00:37:27,00. I tried to do a more in-depth analysis, but all I could figure out

322. 00:37:27,00 –> 00:37:35,00. is that it contains gluten. You’re missing me, aren’t you, baby girl?

323. 00:37:35,00 –> 00:37:40,00. RESURRECTION

324. 00:37:40,00 –> 00:37:46,00. “I think we can do it now. There are no “champions” around anymore. We come with the best of intentions”

325. 00:37:46,00 –> 00:37:52,00. and all those idiots start making a fuss. Fans don’t even respect the deceased anymore.

326. 00:37:52,00 –> 00:38:01,00. Right after the crucifixion, I was going to anoint his body, but it was gone from its tomb. The audacity!

327. 00:38:01,00 –> 00:38:07,00. Those people have no respect for other people’s privacy. They even took his shroud.

328. 00:38:07,00 –> 00:38:16,00. And the poor man, he never had a break in his life. He couldn’t go out without people asking for blessings, cures, miracles.

329. 00:38:16,00 –> 00:38:22,00. How many times I witnessed Jesus not being able to eat because someone would come with a missing limb.

330. 00:38:22,00 –> 00:38:31,00. People full of scabs, coughing and sneezing everywhere. I would tell him straight though. I was the only one that told him to stop kissing sick people’s feet

331. 00:38:31,00 –> 00:38:37,00. or he would catch something from it. Social distancing, darling.

332. 00:38:37,00 –> 00:38:45,00. At another time, I would have had sex with them, but no kissing. That’s rule number one.

333. 00:38:45,00 –> 00:38:51,00. But to say that he wasn’t there because he resurrected…

334. 00:38:51,00 –> 00:38:57,00. Resurrected? Resurrected my ass. Someone took his body. They have no respect for anyone.

335. 00:38:57,00 –> 00:39:04,00. It pisses me off. Unless…

336. 00:39:04,00 –> 00:39:10,00. It just came to me. Unless the guy that was responsible for Jesus’ body

337. 00:39:10,00 –> 00:39:17,00. didn’t even bring him to begin with. That’s a horse of a different color.

338. 00:39:17,00 –> 00:39:24,00. You need to speak to Joseph of Arimathea. He owns me some money. If you see this, I need that cash.

339. 00:39:24,00 –> 00:39:32,00. I’m coming! -Hi, are you Joseph of Arimathea? -What’s this? -It’s a documentary about Jesus. -Right, I’ll help.

340. 00:39:32,00 –> 00:39:40,00. -I’ll come out in a minute. -Okay. Where’s my hat, baby? Ms. Magdalene asked me to get him down

341. 00:39:40,00 –> 00:39:49,00. JOSEPH OF ARIMATHEA -and wrap him with a linen cloth. MERCHANT -So I did exactly that. She asked me to roll a stone against the tomb’s entrance as it was crowded.

342. 00:39:49,00 –> 00:39:57,00. Aiuba, try to keep it down, love. Get the kids to behave. -Do you want dinner? She’s cooking. -No, thank you.

343. 00:39:57,00 –> 00:40:05,00. I’ll be honest, I don’t have the receipt to show you because Ms. Magdalene said it would be cheaper to do it under the table.

344. 00:40:05,00 –> 00:40:11,00. In such a delicate moment, I wouldn’t insist otherwise. Nicodemus works with me

345. 00:40:11,00 –> 00:40:19,00. NICODEMUS – JOSEPH’S ACQUAINTANCE -and can vouch for my story. -I know nothing. -Is that what Nicodemus said?

346. 00:40:19,00 –> 00:40:25,00. No, sorry… He’s saying that to wash his hands of it.

347. 00:40:25,00 –> 00:40:32,00. Excuse the pun. Nicodemus was there with me the whole time

348. 00:40:32,00 –> 00:40:39,00. and helped me wrap Jesus’ body. I know nothing. That jerk was there with me! Where is he? Is he around?

349. 00:40:39,00 –> 00:40:46,00. How would I lift a body by myself? Look at my size! I can’t carry a body! I’ve been in this trade for a long time!

350. 00:40:46,00 –> 00:40:52,00. Jesus was a well-built man! He looked skinny, be he wasn’t! I entombed him!

351. 00:40:52,00 –> 00:40:59,00. -I know nothing. -I know where your family lives. I’m coming after you. I’m going to impregnate your sister.

352. 00:40:59,00 –> 00:41:04,00. Son of a bitch! I’m so sorry, guys. He’s been working for me since he was 14:

353. 00:41:04,00 –> 00:41:11,00. I went to Mr. Pontius’ house and they allowed me to take the body.

354. 00:41:11,00 –> 00:41:16,00. Now that you mentioned it, someone did ask for Jesus’ body. There you go. See?

355. 00:41:16,00 –> 00:41:22,00. But I don’t know if he entombed it. Now you’re screwing me over.

356. 00:41:22,00 –> 00:41:30,00. You’re trying to screw me over. I entombed him. I rolled a stone against the entrance.

357. 00:41:30,00 –> 00:41:36,00. Say it, Nicodemus. Say it if you’ve got the balls! Say that you know nothing!

358. 00:41:36,00 –> 00:41:42,00. If you dare to say that now… I know nothing. Son of a bitch!

359. 00:41:42,00 –> 00:41:51,00. Aiuba, bring me my sword! I’m going to kill Nicodemus! Don’t cry. Get in the closet. Get it! There’s no dinner anymore. You can all leave.

360. 00:41:51,00 –> 00:41:57,00. He resurrected…? He has.

361. 00:41:57,00 –> 00:42:03,00. My son has resurrected. -An angel told me. -An angel?

362. 00:42:03,00 –> 00:42:09,00. -Yes, an angel. -What do you mean? He has risen into Heaven, His appearance was like lightning,

363. 00:42:09,00 –> 00:42:17,00. and his clothes were white as snow. There goes my son. Did he? So where is he?

364. 00:42:17,00 –> 00:42:23,00. He has risen into Heaven. I’ve heard that he’s coming back. He does what he wants.

365. 00:42:23,00 –> 00:42:28,00. Come back if you want to. They will kill him again. I’ll even enjoy it.

366. 00:42:28,00 –> 00:42:34,00. He wouldn’t last a minute in my neighborhood. You’re playing the fool.

367. 00:42:34,00 –> 00:42:42,00. He was a revolutionist that has shaken up the status quo and stirred social structures.

368. 00:42:42,00 –> 00:42:47,00. He challenged both class and power structures…

369. 00:42:47,00 –> 00:42:52,00. Excuse me, darling. This is my documentary, not yours. It’s finally my turn to speak.

370. 00:42:52,00 –> 00:42:59,00. Even though there’s no point in it, because you don’t listen. I even wrote it down and it didn’t sink in.

371. 00:42:59,00 –> 00:43:07,00. Maybe you’ll understand it better if I sing it. Honestly, you’re all a bunch of nuts You get what you want from it

372. 00:43:07,00 –> 00:43:12,00. The same thing happened To my great-great-grandfather Noah But he had a good life On a cruise around the world

373. 00:43:12,00 –> 00:43:19,00. I died young Didn’t get to see Greece There are lots of messiahs now I just saw three bearded guys

374. 00:43:19,00 –> 00:43:26,00. “One said he was son; the other, dad The last wanted money, he’s the one I’ll explain it now So we don’t postpone it”

375. 00:43:26,00 –> 00:43:37,00. You’re way too eager Go and smoke a blunt -Look at uncle Holy Spirit flying! -Get him!

376. 00:43:37,00 –> 00:43:45,00. HE IS NOT COMING BACK FAITH IN GOD You got it all wrong I was only late

377. 00:43:45,00 –> 00:43:52,00. I just wanted to be polite I’m not actually coming back It was just an expression

378. 00:43:52,00 –> 00:44:01,00. Like: Let’s have some red wine In Egypt soon, I’ll call you

379. 00:44:01,00 –> 00:44:09,00. Look who’s here So many verses, lots of gospels A bunch of bishops, about 8 James

380. 00:44:09,00 –> 00:44:16,00. “People are getting confused About all the tips I gave “Love thy neighbor as thyself”

381. 00:44:16,00 –> 00:44:27,00. People don’t love each other A bunch of lazy-asses lying in bed He is the Lamb of God

382. 00:44:27,00 –> 00:44:33,00. I love cooking for other people My fit lamb on homemade bread Drives Thomas insane

383. 00:44:33,00 –> 00:44:44,00. “I know we shouldn’t eat shrimp But you haven’t tasted my risotto yet “I am the road Also the truth, also the life”

384. 00:44:44,00 –> 00:44:49,00. Those are the three pillars Of the self-made men It’s from a men’s empowerment talk I gave in Jerusalem

385. 00:44:49,00 –> 00:44:58,00. “On day one, it was full We all cried and laughed On day two, there was no one Lack of respect “If anyone slaps you on the cheek”

386. 00:44:58,00 –> 00:45:06,00. “Turn the other one” I couldn’t explain the final move Either grab or take him to the ground”

387. 00:45:06,00 –> 00:45:15,00. “Simon and I Had an after-sermon fight club To understand “Ere” You must be pure of heart”

388. 00:45:15,00 –> 00:45:21,00. Oh, Ere That song isn’t mine You want to tarnish my reputation

389. 00:45:21,00 –> 00:45:32,00. Thaddaeus looked at his scroll group During prayer and got pranked Law wasn’t made For homosexual people

390. 00:45:32,00 –> 00:45:40,00. Paul was the one that said that I was already dead, didn’t even see it I have nothing against gays Even baptized a few in the lake

391. 00:45:40,00 –> 00:45:47,00. That’s from closeted preachers That want to be… Silas He will return in the same way

392. 00:45:47,00 –> 00:45:53,00. That he ascended I came back as a black man A woman, and a transvestite

393. 00:45:53,00 –> 00:46:00,00. You killed me every time That’s why I gave up If I have to come back again I’ll bring destruction

394. 00:46:00,00 –> 00:46:08,00. Is he coming back? I don’t think so I won’t. Everyone’s been canceled Insane dollar rates and a nasty virus

395. 00:46:08,00 –> 00:46:17,00. He will sabotage again Our redemption Alok is the top DJ in the world Annoying mobile algorithms

396. 00:46:17,00 –> 00:46:25,00. -Is he coming back? -I’m not -I bet he does -I beg to differ -In the rapture -Brazilians doing the finger gun

397. 00:46:25,00 –> 00:46:31,00. Is he coming back? I don’t think so I won’t

398. 00:46:31,00 –> 00:46:37,00. No way Is he coming back? I don’t think so

399. 00:46:37,00 –> 00:46:45,00. I won’t. Everyone’s been canceled Insane dollar rates and a nasty virus He will sabotage again Our redemption

400. 00:46:45,00 –> 00:46:51,00. Alok is the top DJ in the world Annoying mobile algorithms -Is he coming back? -I’m not

401. 00:46:51,00 –> 00:46:57,00. -I bet he does -I beg to differ -In the rapture -Brazilians doing the finger gun

402. 00:46:57,00 –> 00:47:04,00. Is he coming back? I don’t think so I won’t

403. 00:47:04,00 –> 00:47:10,00. I won’t You can forget about it Is he coming back? I don’t think so

404. 00:47:10,00 –> 00:47:18,00. Send someone else I heard Satan is available I think he’s in Brazil Is he coming back? I don’t think so

405. 00:47:18,00 –> 00:47:26,00. If I come back It’s not gonna end well for you Is he coming back? I don’t think so

406. 00:47:26,00 –> 00:47:34,00. You’re playing with fire Is he coming back? I don’t think so

407. 00:47:34,00 –> 00:47:42,00. If I come back You won’t be in the rapture For sure Is he coming back? I don’t think so

408. 00:47:42,00 –> 00:47:50,00. I’m not coming back, guys I’ve got a million things to do -Is he coming back? I don’t think so -I won’t come back

409. 00:47:50,00 –> 00:47:58,00. I’m starting a new world somewhere else I’ve got my hands full Is he coming back? I don’t think so

410. 00:47:58,00 –> 00:48:04,00. “I said “no”! I’m not coming back I’m not… Go find someone to bang!”

411. 00:48:04,00 –> 00:48:12,00. -Is he coming back? I don’t think so -Go find someone to bang! You people are so annoying with your loud voices.

412. 00:48:12,00 –> 00:51:26,00. THE EDGE OF THEOCRACY*

413. 00:51:26,00 –> 00:51:32,00. That’s it, guys. My love to you and see you next year. Stay alive, okay? Don’t go dying on me.

414. 00:51:32,00 –> 00:55:00,00. ETC Filmes